a.k.a. The Web Site Creator..... Me.....

The "Angel of Dreams" is a handle, a.k.a. chat name. I don't really know why I chose it. Maybe I wanted, or still want, to become like an angel, feel like an angel, or think I'm protected by many sweet guardian angels. And "Dreams"...well, I like dreaming, that's for sure. Together, the two words sounded nice...very good, in fact. I like it....I really do. Do I sound insane? No of course not! Well.... on the other hand, YOU be the judge.

Let me introduce myself...I'm 20, turning 21 on the 24th of June. Should I say my name? Or tell something else? Well, I'm......yadda yadda yak yak yadda yadda ....Hmmm, rather than describing myself of making this like a slumbook type..I'd rather make use of this particular page as a sort of DIARY... WOw, my secrets revealed...hehehe. Not quite. But let me see...

Ok, I get it now. I would write things that had inspired me from day to day. Making it sort of a diary since it will be based on my experiences. It shall also cover lessons I learned in life. No matter how small, no matter how INsignificant it seems to you. This is not your page, anyway. So, get bored, get sleepy, I really don't care. HAH!

May 24, 1999 (Monday)

Okay. And so it starts. Well, maybe not today. For I haven't really noticed anything quite important today. Except, maybe, for the episode in "Charmed". It showed that your greatest fear may get you paralyzed that you can't do anything. Even if it leads you to your death. But, to think about it, what IS my greatest fear? That's quite easy. I fear death. I first became aware of my fear when I was just a small girl. I was awakened so suddenly from my sleep because I had dreamed that I died or maybe someone close to me died. I don't really quite remember the images but...all I remember after waking up is that I quickly looked for my mother. I needed comfort. And just like in the "Charmed" episode, Pru gained comfort and courage from her mother. I guess that through all the hardships in life, and even if you're relivin all of your greatest fears, you may always count on your mother to be there. ALWAYS be there (even if she's gone, physically) to give you comfort, love, and guidance to face your fears again.

Well, okey, there's another thing that I've learned from that episode. Saying "I Love You" to someone you really love takes a lot of courage. Yes, courage -- to open up your heart to them, to subject your heart from all the possible pain that loving them could create. 'Coz you might never know if they'll go away. You'll never predict if they'll hurt you by doing or saying things that you don't want to hear. Maybe I fear that too. Not in my family, but maybe with a "future" M-F relationship. Who wouldn't? It isn't easy to share a part of yourself, to be vulnerable emotionally, to take a chance that s/he'll manipulate you to benefit him/her more. Whatever crap I do say here only boils down to one thing -- It does take courage to know that you love somebody. And much more courage to acknowledge it to the other person. But the case is, before you say it, be 100% sure that you mean it.

May 27, 1999 (Thursday)

My life seems to revolve around what I've watched in tellevision. Well, I really can't help it 'coz it's summer vacation and I don't really go out much. Consequently, I've watched the Voting in the VFA. I was so dissapointed. Why? 'Coz I thought that through the debate, flaws in the aggreement would have been sufficient for tehm to vote against it. The oppositions laid out all factual imperfections. But to no avail. Damn, if only I could hope that there wouldn't be any casualties of this issue. I do hope too that if such things couldn't be helped, then the people who voted for this would be men enough to stand up and help those victimized by this agreement. I've also watched the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant. It takes a lot of guts and self-confidence for ladies to join that. I'm just proud and happy that racial discrimination are slowly losing it's traces in human minds. And could I ever have such confidence and grace under pressure that those girls had? Maybe, maybe so, who could tell?

May 28, 1999 (Friday)

I've watched the ending of a love story. Though it lacked impact, it still brought a smile and satisfaction in my heart. I just says that no matter how hard hte obstacles we come into in our lives, and no matter how many mistakes and grave consequences we have done, everything can still be led back to the right path. Akthough that path will not be the perfect one, it still will be the right one.

I looked at my life today and have found that I've avoided certain people. Why did I avoid them? I don't really know. Maybe I needed my own space, my own time for myself... I'm still not sure. Willl I ever find out why? Let me just grow out of it -- that's all i ask.

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